It’s 5am and I can’t sleep. So here I am deciding to write a piece about having gone back to work full time in January.
So in January I decided to venture back into work life, not as a free, single young woman but now as a full time single mum. First of all, I was meant to have a year off for maternity leave but decided to go back just after 7 months. Why would you do that?! You ask. Well, I’ll give you my reasons. Truth be told,
1. I actually thought I was missing my super busy, fast paced lifestyle at that point
2. I needed money
3. I missed work. I missed work?!
Yeah, sounds insane but I did… until I actually went back.
So for those who don’t know, I’m an early years teacher and currently teach 2-year-olds, and I love what I do, always have. But going back to work after being at home for 7 months with my precious boy was a whole new ball game, totally unexpected. Firstly, I literally couldn’t remember anything, call it baby brain or whatever but I could not remember how to do anything, I forgot my computer login, forgot how to do the register, forgot the code to the front door of my classroom LOL. Believe me, I struggled. Even though I had a settling in period I still struggled for a long time. I’ve been back a full term now (which was 5 weeks this term) and I’m pretty sure I only JUST got my head round (most) things.
Before I became a mum, I loved (okay, no. I didn’t mind) getting up for work in the mornings and spending a day with a bunch of 2-year-olds, and I loved those kids like they were my own but since having my own child, after the first week back, I missed him SO much, my heart would literally ache when I thought about being at work with other children while mine was at home. Obviously every parent would miss their baby after coming off maternity leave but this pain I felt was like no other and I think it hurt more because I’m surrounded by children, playing learning, doing all the things I should be watching Israel do. And it did throw me off my game at work to be honest, it took a long, long time for me to just suck it up and understand that I need to be where I am for both of our futures. To be honest I’m not totally over it, I just sound content because I’m on half-term holiday at the moment lol.
Although I did miss my fast paced life, going back made me realise what the most important thing in my life is right now, and that’s being a mum. I’ve read so many blogs and other things about oh you know, a woman not forgetting herself when she becomes a mum and I totally get it, I definitely haven’t forgotten myself but I actually just want to be a mum at this present moment. As stressful as it is being a mum, it’s even more stressful being a full-time working mum, and what’s stressful about it is, being tired when you wake up, being at work all day missing your baby but then coming home and being too tired to do things with your baby! It’s a vicious cycle! Yes I missed work life but now I miss (on maternity) mum life, I guess there’s a balance and I’m currently on a journey to find that, then that becomes the new mum life.
This is the beginning of another journey for us, Israel’s in great hands while I’m at work so at least I don’t have to worry about that, and going back was really the perfect timing because we just got a new flat and it needed a whole lot of work, so the money was definitely needed.
I think as parents we will miss our babies every time we’re away from them and I just have to keep reminding myself that what I do is for both our benefits and he will appreciate what I do in the future. Also unlike some, I get all the school holidays to spend loads of time with him <<< this is me giving myself a pep talk lol.
Until next time guys, all my love,